They were recognized for their efforts to recruit and retain women and girls in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) fields.

I am humbled to be selected as one of those twelve individuals and share this honor with numerous mentors and colleagues with whom I have had the tremendous opportunity to collaborate on research.

Two years ago, President Obama’s Educate to Innovate campaign was launched to improve the nation’s participation in STEM, particularly for youth.

Among the three pillars of this campaign is the commitment to “expand STEM education and career opportunities for underrepresented groups, including women and girls.”

My scholarship supports this third pillar by contributing research evidence to the STEM discourse on the impact of cultural factors on academic and career outcomes….

Addressing Career Development.

Many individuals are highly motivated to pursue and intrinsically interested in STEM fields but have limited knowledge about the diverse career pathways and jobs they can pursue with a STEM degree.

In a recent New York Times article on November 4, 2011 titled, “Why Science Majors Change Their Minds”, data from the National Science Board was reported that many STEM students lose sight of why they pursued the field in the first place.

Facilitating career exploration, career planning, and career commitment may help address this erosion of STEM career goals.

What can you do?  Consider these six ideas:

• Increase your understanding of how cultural factors, like race/ethnicity and gender, may influence STEM academic and career development. See my article on ” The vocational significance of Black identity: Cultural formulations approach to career assessment and career counseling with African Americans,” and the special March 2011 issue of Journal of Women and Minorities in Science and Engineering on the status of women in STEM, guest co-edited by Angela Byars-Winston and Silvia Canetto.
• Challenge stereotypes—directly address and discuss potential implicit bias, prejudice against underrepresented minority groups in STEM. See empirically-supported strategies for reducing and resisting bias.
• Enhance individuals’ cultural competence to work in historically culturally-homogenous STEM environments. See jointly authored articles on the Influence of social cognitive and ethnic variables on academic goals of underrepresented students in science and engineering …,”  and, “Integrating Theory and Practice to Increase Scientific Workforce Diversity: A Framework for Career Development in Graduate Research Training.”
• Facilitate career development and career planning in undergraduate and graduate STEM research training programs.
• Broaden individuals’ knowledge of what STEM careers are. See video of panel discussion in May 2010 from the US Dept of Labor on youth entering STEM careers. See website for ideas and resources by Prof. Rich Feller.
• Do something local in your community to advance the next generation in STEM. For ideas, visit the following website. Enter your zip code and be immediately connected with local STEM activities, efforts, and collaborations in which to become involved!

I am doing my part to support President Obama’s challenge to “Out-Build, Out-Educate, and Out-innovate” future competitors.

Please join me and the other 2011 Champions for Women in STEM in doing the same.

Stories of racial profiling of whites by blacks, however, also occur, especially in sports –the truism or stereotype being that black athletes are superior to white athletes.

This was made much of in “White Men Can’t Jump” and was the basis of a “con”, or “hustle”, perpetrated by the characters played by Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson in the movie.

Green Bay quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, brought this matter up on his talk show recently as a possible reason why wide receiver Jordy Nelson –who is white—continues to get one-on-one coverage compared to Packer black wide receivers.

As is customary when the topic of “race” is offered as a theory or explanation of why something happens, it immediately and automatically gets downplayed, as either being false –it’s dismissively called “playing the race card” by whites at work when blacks bring it up—or, as shown in subsequent media coverage on Rodger’s comment, too provocative to discuss, reflecting the U.S. mainstream cultural orientation that puts “peace before truth”.

This, in contrast to the more forthright African American cultural orientation that puts “truth before peace”, to which our black colleague often adds, “Without truth there can be no peace.”

One could also add, that without “truth” there can also be no further discussion of the topic –a form of putting one’s head in the sand– a rule of  public social etiquette that disallows, by fiat, any opportunity to explore further  what’s “out there,” and “really going on”.

For example, we might begin to deal with the black view of white and black athletic ability as a source of pride for blacks. I remember, years ago, when a black commentator grudgingly had to admit (for Blacks, culturally, “truth” above all, even if it hurts) that the best guard in the NBA at the time (before Michael, Kobe, et.al.) was Jerry West.

We might also learn that whites who live and work in contexts (athletics, jazz) that are heavily influenced by black cultural norms learn and adopt the  prevailing cultural style that gets you “over” (like African Americans and other ethnics have done in the U.S. mainstream workplace).

Thus, it is not surprising to see Aaron Rodgers  expressing a standard black held view, anymore than it is surprising to learn that Larry Bird was one of the best “trash” talkers on the basketball court.

As blacks often say, “What goes around, comes around.”

The question is, can we deal with it when it does?

In the U.S. we have created a myth of pilgrims and Indians coming together to share a feast.

It’s a myth that allows Americans to feel good about themselves coming to settle indigenous land.

I prefer to celebrate this holiday in a more basic way. For me, it’s a holiday that celebrates eating. I am thankful for food and the ability to smell and taste and eat it.

I have hanging in my kitchen a framed saying I picked up at an antique fair that says: “Some ha’e meat that canna eat, And some wad eat that want (need)it; But we ha’e meat, an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”

I remember a thanksgiving when my Dad found a way to taste food. While battling cancer he had the roof of his mouth, part of his tongue, and a section of his jaw bone removed, along with his epiglottal nerve, which allows you to swallow.

He refused to have a permanent food tube inserted through his nose, which would allow him to pour cans of liquid food into his stomach.

Amazing man, my father, he had been a medic during WWII and wasn’t one to be squeamish.

Instead, he fashioned a contraption out of a douche bag with a thin tube attached. He would blenderize whatever delicious food my Mom or he cooked, and then would run the tube connected to the bag under warm water, and put it through his nose into his throat.

Then he’d pour in the food. He’d pat his stomach and say, “mmmm, that was delicious.”

One thanksgiving day he was determined to taste. He filled a cup with borscht, sour cream, and onions. He poured it back and forth from cup to cup to get any air bubbles out. Then he tipped back his head and poured. Down it went.

With tears streaming down his face, he literally fell to his knees. After that, he would have his daily draught of dark beer after pouring the contents from glass to glass to remove the bubbles.

My Dad, Barney Goldstein, had a tavern. People would come from far and wide to meet him, because he would never let life get him down. He’d point a finger and say, “Life is Good”.

So, this Thanksgiving, instead of imagining the myth of pilgrims and Indians, I suggest we all respectfully deal with the truth – whatever that means for each of us.

Dad always said, “The key to life is acceptance”. It helps to remember that, as life changes, and we sometimes long for an idyllic past.

And if you can, take the time to really taste the food you are enjoying!

They usually start out as friction, like deciding upon what time to leave for the airport.

My German Jewish side can’t stand being five minutes late.

My wife’s position—I’m not sure if this is Irish or just her—can’t stand being five minutes early.

Each of us conjures up different worst case scenarios in support of our position.

My worst case scenario is fraught with anxiety–that something will happen that we didn’t plan for or expect that will cause us to miss our plane.

Her worst case scenario is that we’ll leave too early and get to the airport too soon with nothing worthwhile to do.

At issue, also, is our different comfort level around waiting while doing nothing.

I’m like the camel. I can turn my motor off.

My wife can’t.

At best, her  motor is at “idle”: running but not moving.

For a sand piper (her kind of animal) that is a clear UGH!

Another difference revolves around what in business is called “planning the work and working the plan.”

My cultural side says let’s go with the plan ….

My wife’s position is to see our agreement to do something as something we might maybe do but also maybe not do ….

I took that as a plan, which meant, literally!

My wife did not.

Taking it a step further, my position was, if were not going to at least try—why bother having a plan to start with?

My wife’s position—and this is very much tied to the Irish side of her—is that the agreement was simply something that was said we were going to do, but not at all (and maybe in part because it was something we said we were going to do), binding on us to actually follow through on.

In fact—this is often my take on it (biased, but still true)—is that, characterizing our difference along ethnic cultural lines, I say (facetiously, of course), you need Germans to set the plan (an agreement that is binding) and the Irish to know what the agreement/plan is so as to know what not to do.

This fits our different cultural orientation to be more or less obedient or rebellious and the extent to which we take seriously/literally what we said we were going to do.

This pattern of difference started out for me as friction and has progressively moved to frustration and even fun.

It gets to fun when I can laugh about it.

That usually happen when I just play things as they develop or “go with the flow”.

That requires seeing differences as matters of right and left, not right and wrong.

It also means letting go of expectations.

Not so hard when you put your mind to it!

The tragedy and senseless killings in Norway reminded me of the horrific acts of September 11 and how that point in our history changed our country and our lives.

Extremism and hatred are human sicknesses.  Sometimes people with such sickness put a label of religion, political ideology or the likes to give themselves legitimacy.

However, as other sicknesses, extremism and hatred need to be eradicated, as we have done with polio.

The terrorist in this case, Mr. Anders Behring Breivikhad had hatred towards Muslims, multiculturalists, feminist women and immigrants.

Unfortunately, we also find out that the killer was “inspired” by American bloggers who are anti immigration, anti Muslims, etc.   As an American, I would like to see us instead export the American values of pluralism, equality, and sacredness of lives.

To build a stronger America and world, we need to learn about each other as human beings, to appreciate our differences and build stronger communities utilizing our differences and similarities.

As we work towards educating and building understanding, I am praying for love and peace around the world.

As always, the Black folks welcomed us, and the tour guide made mention of white folks who helped the cause over the years, starting with the abolitionists.

We asked our tour guide if racial attitudes had changed, and he said yes, mostly because of all the northerners who had moved to the area. At least that was his opinion.

When I asked if there were many Latinos in the area, he said no, but that there was an area at the hotel we stayed at where eastern European women stayed who were brought over on work permits by a contractor to do domestic work at the hotel.

We took a ride out to Sullivan’s Island – where Africans were held in quarantine before being sold into slavery.

Gullah low country is where the Stono Rebellion took place and where  Denmark Vesey’s story unfolded.

White folks were afraid of the lowlands because of the danger of malaria. Before Africans came to what’s now South Carolina, rice was unknown. Our guide explained that Africans also brought peanuts to America.

He also sadly shared that the average life span of a male slave in South Carolina was 32.  It was cheaper to work a man to death than take care of him.

We spoke to one African American driver who told us he grew up in Charleston.  He was about 55 years old.  He said when he was a kid he went to a Black school.  “Funny thing is”, he said, “The white school was named ‘Whiteside’, and half my family is light skinned because we’re descendents of Whiteside – but we couldn’t go to school there until after busing started.”

He says he doesn’t hold a grudge against anybody – he’s got a degree in history. He said, “slavery is just how the history of the world has been”.

When we sat having breakfast in our hotel, I overheard some Southern folks talking some small talk, being friendly with each other.  One said he was an MD. The pace of their conversation was so much slower than what I’m accustomed to in the North and the polite exchanges of these folks seemed almost from another era.

Before we left we did a diversity seminar, and one of the Southern white men delighted all of us during the gender program when he had an “aha” moment about the importance of mothers in the south.  He said, “You know, when we’re going over to meet with family on Sunday, we say we’re going to see ‘mama and them’.  Funny thing is”, he added, “We still say that even though she passed on. “

Last time I was in South Carolina was during the Viet Nam war.  I was teaching GED to marines at Camp Le Jeune, and we took a trip to Myrtle Beach.  The number one song at the time was Tina Turner singing “Rollin’ on the River…big wheel keep on turnin”.

The other song that resonates with me is “Going to Carolina in my Mind”.

Yep, that’s for sure.

It may appear that you have a fairly diverse group of friends on FB, while in real life, you interact with a bunch of people from a similar social and cultural background.

Social networks online create opportunity to connect outside of your comfort zone.  We are able to witness the same “human” elements on everyone’s FB page.

Your Black friend’s FB isn’t all that different from your Asian friend –  baby pics, head cold complaints, financial issues, article sharing, etc.

We are all so similar when you get down to the base ingredients of how we spend our days.

The computer/mobile screen allows for a more global community to exist.

Use of this strategy is often problematic for members of other groups however.

For example, the other day I was speaking to a black woman who was frustrated with a white woman at work.  The white woman introduced her black colleague to her class by using her first and last name, instead of calling her “Dr. ____”

They ended up no longer on speaking terms because the black woman had called out the white woman on what she did.

I offered cultural information: “You could have avoided this break in the relationship by starting your criticism of the white woman with ‘I know you didn’t mean it, but….’”

The black woman said, following her own African American cultural prescript that infers motive from what was said and done, “I’m not willing to do that, if she didn’t mean it, she wouldn’t have done it.”

Integrity is at stake for both women.

The white woman felt that she was maligned by the Black woman characterizing what she did as “racist”.

The black woman felt disrespected by the failure of the white woman to acknowledge her position and degree—a serious omission for her and blacks generally.

She also felt –this is where race comes into it—the same mistake would not have happened if the white woman were introducing a white male colleague to her class.

She was also not willing to try to repair the situation –again a matter of personal integrity and maybe also pride–because she feels her colleague should be the one to take responsibility for what happened—after all, she was the one that made the “mistake”—whether she meant it or not.

The white woman in turn probably feels that what her black colleague did –confronting her directly and characterizing what she did as “racist” — as much worse than what she did. From her perspective, it should be the black woman who should apologize to her, not the other way around.

And so another impasse and break in relationship triggered by a failure on both sides to fully understand what is going on for the other person and probably also for themselves.

At KMA the above break serves as another example of  cultural conflict –oftentimes caused more by ignorance or lack of awareness, than malice. It also shows, once again, the power of culture to shape behavior, attitudes and expectations.

Sometimes though, other things come into play that transcend and even trump culture.

During the (mostly white middleclass) women’s lib days, many women couldn’t bring themselves to say to men, “I know you didn’t mean it, but…” These women were too frustrated with injustice.  It’s not that they didn’t understand that it would be effective to say, “I know you didn’t mean it, but your behavior has an adverse impact on me and members of my group”.  It was a matter of who would or should or could accommodate whom.  They could, but wouldn’t, and perhaps shouldn’t have had to.

For Middle Eastern folks, a dominant value is generosity.  If you want an Arab person to stay engaged in conflict resolution, it is important to remember two powerful cultural values: honor and generosity – values which are mutually reinforcing.

As Maureen Dowd noted “Saudis prefer concessions to be seen as gifts”. It’s a face-saving strategy, but sometimes the stakes are too high, and the parties too entrenched or invested to make one or the other cultural strategy useful, in which case force is needed.

Dowd cites the 7 Saudi Girls who were immolated for not wearing their headscarves.  When the stakes are life and death, it’s not appropriate to ask for generosity to do the right thing. It should be required and demanded as a basic human right.

We all can see the necessity to draw the line when the stakes are life and death, but the micro behaviors are more difficult to call.  Also, if you fight every battle, you’ll wear yourself out.

Maybe the most important thing there is caring enough about the person to work things out. And yes, sometimes you just don’t want to work that hard.

Anyone out there have an example of breakdowns that have occurred at work, or have a story or recommendation on how to deal with ignorant behavior in the workplace without shooting yourself in the foot in terms of career?

The TV commercial spawned several conversations with my kids, niece and nephew about how being gay is in high school today is different than it was when I was in school twenty-plus years ago. Then I asked one of my dearest friends from high school, who has been with her partner for 17 years – “has it gotten better?”  Her response was so insightful I’m compelled to share it here:

I had no knowledge that living with a woman would be in my future when I was in high school, so I didn’t have the hard high school experience as many do.  I did struggle enormously with my new-found “identity” when I realized I might be gay.

It took me about ten years to come through that process and land where I am now, by which I mean, fully accepting of myself, happy, healthy and completely at ease with the world.  When I think of why it’s gotten better, there are two components: Society is more accepting and I am fully out.

Society is more accepting: While it’s certainly true that the fundamentalists continue to raise holy hell about the evils of homosexuality, for the most part it has gotten infinitely better in terms of people being more accepting of gay and lesbians than ever before. A defining moment for me was when Ellen came out publicly in 1997. I had just started my first corporate job and was out personally but very closeted professionally.  I couldn’t ever imagine being out at work.

Since then, we’ve seen infinitely more gay images (Will and Grace, Modern Family, every reality show has the requisite gay) and I think people are just more accepting that gay people exist and bring some value (even if you wouldn’t necessarily want to have your kid be one – we get that a lot) it’s just more accepted.

Additionally, a lot more people live “out” now than did in 1988 and I think as a result there is a whole generation of kids who’ve grown up with gay aunts and uncles (thinking of my own adult nieces/nephews) for whom being gay is really just not an issue.

My own neighborhood is a great testament to the tolerance and acceptance among many people. It’s not everywhere, but the parents in our neighborhood not only accept, but encourage interaction with their kids. I think those views are reflected in generational polls. So it really has gotten better since 1988 in terms of the acceptance among society at large.

I am fully out:  Without question, the number reason why my life has gotten better is that I am 100% out. It took about seven years to complete the process with friends and family. The slow and steady acceptance of the people I love and cherish most let me know I would be okay and that I would always have people who love me in my life.

When I think about the gay teens addressed in the “it gets better” videos, I think that we all want a sense of community in this life and to be loved and accepted for who we are.

When I was just beginning to explore the possibility of being gay, I literally grieved the life I wasn’t going to have – marriage, white picket fence, two kids, country club, dinner parties (yes, I thought I would not be able to have dinner parties like a “normal person” or attend family functions and holidays with my someday partner).

I was afraid I would never find anyone to love who was like me. As more and more of my friends and family openly accepted me and my partner, I began to see that I could have the life I always dreamed of.

The next step was tackling the issue at work. I was at a pharma company for four years and only told a few co-workers, and certainly never told any of my customers. When I moved to a different pharma in 2001, I made a decision to be “out.”

What I mean by that is, if anyone asked if I was married (which is the first question anyone asks in a professional setting) I would simply say, “No, but I have a partner, her name is Carrie and we’ve been together ten years.” I did that the first week and since then I estimate that I’ve come out at least 100 or more times at work and that’s always my answer.

I’ve learned that I need to say I have a partner and her name is Carrie vs. I have a partner, because when I say partner, most people assume I am talking about a business partner. I think this is because I don’t necessarily look the stereotype that most people have in mind.

There have been a few surprised looks along the way, but never any repercussions. It’s never held me back in any way and I’ve always been treated with respect. The reason I have to keep coming out is that people are so respectful that no one would ever dream of talking about it to someone else.

This will be the next great leap forward, when it is so accepted that no one would think a thing of saying to another co-worker “Oh, yes, that’s my colleague, she has a partner and they live in Charlotte.” It’s still considered scandalous, so I try to make people feel comfortable about sharing this information about me.

Being out in general is the most liberating thing and I ache for everyone that isn’t there yet. Living in the closet is a nightmare because of the energy it takes to live a lie. I don’t wave a pride flag around or purposely try to make people uncomfortable-but I will talk about Carrie the way others discuss their family life-it’s just a normal thing that people do.

I think “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the worst policy ever! But, I think it’s still the feeling among many in the professional world–it’s okay that you are gay, but we don’t really want to talk about it. And when people say they don’t want to talk about it, I think they mean they don’t want to hear about your sex life. News flash, no one wants to talk about anyone’s sex life at work.

I will say, I am very proud of the decision to be out at my current company, it was a risk, but one worth taking. I know without question that I have positively influenced the way some people view gays in the company.  In fact, other lesbian colleagues who have been at the company for more than ten years and never come out, are slowly starting to do so.

They’ve told me that they had the courage to do so, because they saw how people treated me regardless of being out. So wow, huh? Not a bad day at the office.  So that’s it – I’d say, it really does get better.

Readers – please add your voice to this story. Does it get better?

For the latest ceremony in late April I drove 12 hours south of DC to Atlanta, a city I lived in for 10 years and still consider one of my homes. I took my two sons, 12 and 8, on the long drive. We had hours and hours to fill and we managed just fine. We talked about their love of the Chicago Bulls and their adoration of the #1 Derrick Rose.

They peppered me with so many basketball facts I could call a game myself now. But the NBA wasn’t the only topic. We talked about school, the Waffle House (they love a place with waffle in the name), why they can sell fireworks in South Carolina (they love the idea of blowing things up), and a million other random subjects. The one thing we never discussed was the commitment ceremony they were about to attend. I can’t say why, it just never came up.

It is important to know here that while I’ve been attending these events, this was a first for my offspring. There we were sitting in a beautiful backyard in Atlanta on a warm spring afternoon, flowers surrounding us, old friends greeting me and marveling at how much the children had grown. We sat down, the music started, the flower girls entered and then it hit me. I hadn’t told the boys that two women were getting married. What would their reaction be? Could I quietly prepare them now in this confined space, surrounded by people? The answer was no, and I had to wait to see what would happen.

What happened was this… NOTHING. They seemed not to notice, or if they did they didn’t care or see it worthy of comment. They only saw two people standing in front of them declaring their love and commitment. There were no questions asked then or later, or comments made. They were perfect little gentlemen during the ceremony and danced and laughed with everyone at the reception.

I wish I could say that it was my excellent parenting and open mindedness that made that the case, but I would be over reaching. Because let’s face it, plenty of my loving and open minded contemporaries pelted me with honest and curious questions like: Did they both wear dresses? Was one more like a bride and the other more like a groom? Were most of the guests LGBT? What was it like?

None of these are bad questions, or mean-spirited. My generation of 40-somethings is simply still developing a picture of what all this looks like. And I’m sure on some level my children are too, but for them it just is.

And isn’t that nice for them? Won’t it be great if they can support their friends or one another should they come-out some time in the future, without as much fear of public rejection as has previously been the case? Personally, I couldn’t be happier for them.